Mama: Simon, do you remember what we had for breakfast? Use your memory.
Simon: But my memory is asleep!
Simon: Tomorrow is my birthday! When will we set up the Christmas Tree?
Simon [morning of his birthday party]: When will my birthday friends be here?
Simon [watching two soccer players collide]: Oh no! They are going to get grass burns [on their clothes].
Daddy [makes noises like the teacher in Charlie Brown]: Simon, is that what adults sound like?
Simon: No, they sound like this: "DON'T PEE IN YOUR PANTS!!!"
Spice House employee [after giving Simon some small tasks to keep him busy and entertained]: Wow Simon, what would I do without you here to be my helper?
Simon: You would just do it yourself
Daddy: Simon, at the aquarium we can see a show where dolphins jump out of the water!
Simon [concerned]: But do they jump back in afterwards?
Simon [pointing at a statue outside a church]: Why is that man big and really really mad?
Mama: Apologize to Daddy for hitting him.
Simon [to Daddy]: I am sorry I hit you.
Simon [to Mama, thoughtfully]: I should have said "I am sorry for punching you".
Mama [smothering laughter]
Simon [to Daddy, very serious]: I am sorry for punching you.
Daddy: Simon, do you want to rock and roll all night and party every day?
Simon: No... I want to play with some things, then eat and then go to bed
Simon [after trying a sip of mama's root beer float, the first time he'd tried anything carbonated]: That is buzzing in my mouth! Mama, I think your ice cream has a bee in it!
Daddy: Simon, why don't you want to walk home?
Simon: I don't want to talk about it right now
Daddy [hearing an unidentifiable noise]: Simon, what are you doing?
Simon: I'm hitting this door with my bum.
Daddy [incredulously]: Why are you doing that?
Simon: Because I want to and it's really fun.
Simon [to Mama]: You have long arms.
Simon [as we sat down to breakfast]: Let's talk about Eskimos.
It is so great to hear him explain and figure out words that he doesn't know.
Simon [We were talking about being sideways]: Then, when I am the upside way...
Simon [in the car, talking about the windshield with rain drops on it]: The thing you look through with dots on it.
Alan: I'm tired because I didn't get a nap, so I need to rest for a minute before we play monster again.
Simon: Do you know what is a good resting thing? Reading books. Want to read books with me?
Simon: You're making nonsense
Daddy: Simon, I need you to stop being difficult and start being a helper.
Simon: I just need to be myself
Simon: I can eat the banana worms.
Mama: Want some lemonade?
Simon: Um. Yeah, sure. [takes a tiny, obligatory sip] Back to baseball!
Simon: Daddy, I need to tell you something. There is a really big vampire that eats bunnies, rabbits, and giraffes. He has big arms and comes through the ceiling... and he's already here.
Simon [to Amy]: I like your tattoos, you should not wash them off.... Maybe you can peel them off and give them to me?
Simon [to Alan, interjected into a totally different conversation about breakfast]: Whoa. You have really big feet.
Simon [after Emily finished a story]: Mama, it took you a really long time to tell me that.
